New Chapter

So what is this new chapter, you may ask. Well, for the past 4 years I have worked as a Children's Minister. These 4 years have been the most stressful, breath-taking, heart-breaking, and Spirit-working years of my young life. I've learned a couple of things--Ministry is hard...a young female in Ministry is even harder. I have absolutely fallen in love with these kids, and the relationships I have with them, from the babies to the trying 6th graders, have kept me persevering. I have had many moments when I could so clearly see God working through me in the lives of these children and when He was working through them in the lives of others. God sure has a knack of opening my eyes to this, when I've felt at my lowest--a reminder that He is always there and working through everything.

After several years of trying to meet the expectations of many different people while still staying true to what I felt I should be doing, it's time for me hand off the responsibility and re-discover who I am. I'm finding that I've lost my identity in being a Children's Minister (not sure whether that's a good or bad thing). I went to college with the aim of becoming a Children's Minister, was doing such before I even graduated, and have continued since then. I haven't known anything else, and I've had a wonderfully supportive husband through it all--the tears, frustrations, and joys.

Unfortunately, working in ministry has left its wounds of bitterness, resentment, and a desire for the refreshment of church. Even though I have been at church, I haven't experienced church in quite some time, except for visits to other churches where I have no responsibilities or expectations. These wounds will heal, but it requires time and God's healing hand. In spite of the pain I have experienced, I have no doubt that God called me into ministry of children, and now I am seeing God's provision for me to lay it down.

When Evan and I got married--actually about a year and a half afterwards when we became Dave Ramsey fanatics, we set goals of paying off all debt--student and car loans--before we would start trying to start a family. Before we reached that goal last Fall, we decided to postpone starting a family to finish out one more school year of Tutoring/Mentoring, at which time I would step down. (It's a stressful job, and I internalize stress, which would be very bad for a developing baby. I just couldn't do both.) I gave nearly a year's notice of this plan to the leaders, hoping that would mean a smooth transition and the kids would be taken care of. This Spring God showed his provision for us by blessing us through Evan's job in several ways that gave us an additional measure of peace that this was the right decision.

Now, I'm looking ahead to my first week of not working at church--no expectations I have to meet and nobody I have to please. I'm excited. I'm looking forward to experiencing church and renewing my spiritual life. I'm looking forward to organizing my home and other home-improvement projects, which has been perpetually on my to-do list. I'm looking forward to try my hand at being crafty. I'm looking forward to spending time with friends I'd like to know better. I'm looking forward to spending entire weekends visiting family and/or friends. And, I'm excited about my three days each week with this sweet little girl (and her 'crazy face')!

 

On outings like this to the zoo!

   

Let this new chapter begin!