I Can't Handle This

The day is soon approaching...I hope...for Baby Boy Lathrop #2 to be born. In addition to the nesting and anxious checking off of to-do's, I find myself nostalgic? reminiscent? Whatever the word, I want to get these feelings down "on paper" to process and look back on someday.

A secondary title to this blog could be "Totally Unexpected" because that's what this pregnancy was! We had started thinking and talking about a theoretical baby #2, but when day 18 of no period and a positive pregnancy test came, my reaction wasn't one that I'm proud of.

I felt...overwhelmed.

I can't handle a toddler and a newborn! The thought of having a toddler, who was...and still is...stretching out his Terrible Two muscles, and a newborn was basically more than I could handle. It took a while for me to process and believe that this really was happening. I took it one day, one week at a time, and with a lot of prayer [of constantly releasing my will and control], I'm excited to meet this baby boy and watch my sonS grow up.

I can't handle being pregnant with a toddler! I have been truly blessed in both pregnancies to not have experienced the horrible morning sickness other moms have talked about. But still, this pregnancy was tougher on me than last time around. Maybe because I idealized my last [early part of] pregnancy. Maybe because I was keeping up with a toddler this time. Maybe just because this baby and this pregnancy is different. Foods I loved did not appeal. I would love a food one week, and the next week the thought of it made me nauseous. Food just didn't sound good, but I still had to make food for Oliver. And I was TIRED, physically and mentally! Trying to teach, reason, plead with a toddler to "Listen and Obey" EVERY DAY is just simply exhausting. But, with the passing of the first trimester, some new behavioral tactics, help from friends, and a lot of prayers for strength and patience, I'm feeling good and seeing glimmers of my kind, sweet Oliver.

I can't handle birth again! Make no mistake, I'm committed and looking forward to my second homebirth, but there's still a little part of me wondering, "Can I really do that again?" Oliver's birth (active labor) was fast and intense, and I did what I had to to bring him earthside safely. This time around, there are no danger signs, in fact, all signs point to a slower, more gradual labor. I'm worried there will be more opportunity for me to "chicken out." But I trust my supporter, Evan, my birth team, and lots of prayers for strength and safety to help me through it.

I can't handle birth without my favorite midwife! I've known from almost the very beginning, thanks to a chance meeting at Whole Foods, that my most trusted, favorite midwife who helped me through the seemingly impossibilities of pregnancy and birth of Oliver might miss baby #2's birth. She's had a vacation planned for a long time, leaving basically on my due date, but she took me as a client/patient anyway. With all of the other overwhelming aspects of this pregnancy going on, I have had to deal with this one in smaller pieces, processing and accepting it a little at a time. In the event, she's out of town, the birth team in her place is great; I've met them and feel comfortable with them. But I still fervently hope and pray that my favorite midwife and friend, who just seems to get me, will be present for baby #2's birth. It's now 1 week until my midwife leaves for a week. The clock is ticking, and there's not a lot I can do. So once again, I'm praying [releasing my will and control] and trusting in God's perfect timing.

I've come full circle, praying the same prayer as when I found out I was pregnant. Each time I felt overwhelmed and leaned on God, he has brought me through it. A lesson that I hope I cling to as I look forward to being a mommy to 2 little boys

And now some pregnancy stats that I want to document to remember and compare to Oliver's. If the details of pregnancy and birth make you squeamish, stop reading now.



Last warning



Ok, it's on you.

At my most recent Wednesday appointment, 38 weeks and 5 days, the cervix was soft and dilated to a 2, stretchy to a 3. Membranes were stripped and I had often contractions the rest of the day, along with some bloody show. I don't feel like planning or cooking meals (but I've been craving and eating my Raw Brownies all week! They're amazing!), my sense of smell seems to be in overdrive, and I feel the need to get everything baby-related done this weekend. We'll see what the future holds.

The Adventures Continue: Oliver's birth story

With the adventures of the last few weeks of pregnancy, of course the birth had to be an adventure as well...

After almost 3 weeks of trying everything to induce labor naturally, the last thing I tried was acupuncture.

On Tuesday, July 9, I :

• had a breakfast of greek yogurt with strawberries, 
• turned in my 24-hr urine test, 
• got a second breakfast of an egg sandwich at Panera, 
• went to my 2nd acupuncture appointment, 
• went to my chiropractic appointment at Revolution, 
• had a snack of an orange and some granola, 
• went to hang out at Evan’s office while the house cooled back down,
• got home around 4, 
• took my homeopathics, 
• rubbed clary sage on my belly, 
• got the breastpump going, and 
• laid down, drifting in and out of sleep.

All of a sudden, I feel a pop that jarred me out of the semi-sleep I was in. I thought maybe that was water breaking, but no one ever mentioned feeling a pop! I sent Evan a message to tell him what I felt, and thankfully he was pulling into the neighborhood already (5:30pm). I waited for him to come help me off the couch, just in case my “water” gushed, but it was a just a trickle instead. I sent Susan a message just before 6pm letting her know what was going on. She called back to get some more info and remind me of when we were required to call her to come, but she would come earlier if I wanted her to. Contractions started during that phone call, but I could still breathe and talk to Susan through them.

I told Evan what Susan said and told him the plan for dinner—baked chicken. I told him I was going to the bathroom then I’d come back to help him…but I never came back. Meanwhile, I’m in the kitchen messing with raw chicken, getting it ready to be baked for dinner. Contractions really started coming on strong, and I had no problem starting to ‘vocalize’ through them. In addition to the contractions, I had tension in my lower back and belly that wasn’t subsiding between contractions. I tried to get up and go help Evan, but I made it as far as our entry way before I had to stop to lean on the wall and decided to go back to the bathroom. I went ahead and ran a warm bath and got in, but I couldn’t get comfortable. After about 25 minutes, I wonder, “where is my wife?” so I went to check on her. I was thinking “I don’t know if I can do this…but it hasn’t been that long since my water broke…this can’t possibly be transition already…what if gets worse…mind over matter…I can do this!”

Little side note here: I spent 24 hours in Bradley class, with my wife, training for this moment. We kept reading over this little chart that described the 5 stages of labor – Early First Stage, First State, Late First Stage, Transition, and Second Stage (or Pushing). There were different columns describing the Emotional, Physical, and Behavioral signposts associated with each stage. I was supposed to use that information to tell what stage Laura was currently in. The Emotional signpost for Transition is that the woman will be saying things like “I can’t do this anymore” and “It’s too hard”. I kept listening for her to express this level of doubt, but my brave wife kept these little feelings of doubt to herself. Unfortunately, this was one instance where I really needed her to mention her doubts out loud, so that I would know that she was already in Transition.  As it was, I didn’t figure that she had already reached Transition because it hadn’t been that long since her water broke and she wasn’t verbalizing her doubts.

Evan came to check on me while I was in the bath, and I told him I wanted him to call Susan. He suggested getting out and trying a few different positions first so he could time contractions (because, again, I just couldn’t believe that she might already be in Transition). I could tell when the contractions were coming on and peaking, but not necessarily when they ended because of the continuous tension in my belly and back. Evan did a great job encouraging me and rubbing my back through contractions. Again, I told Evan I wanted him to call Susan to at least bring the birth pool. So, he called (at 7:30 pm) and Susan and her assistant came over. By the time they got to our house, I was already in the zone and only vaguely aware of them arriving.

They set up the birth pool, which was a fiasco in and of itself… Erm, you see, we never really tested the faucet adapter for the birth pool hose to make sure that it would fit on one of our faucets. I guess I just sort of assumed that it would fit. Then soon after Susan and Elizabeth began setting up the pool, Susan came in to tell me that she couldn’t get the adapter to fit any of the faucets. I immediately started to panic. Hooking up the hose and filling up the birth pool was supposed to be my job. I had agreed to take care of that when we spoke to Susan weeks before and requested a birth pool. But in the craziness of the last 3.5 weeks leading up to the birth, I totally forgot about it. Then Elizabeth mentioned that it would probably be possible to hook the hose up directly to the hot water fill valve behind the washing machine. Eureka! I was elated. Of course, the elation quickly turned to despair as I realized that I didn’t have the proper tools to detach the washing machine’s existing fill lines to get at the valve. I needed channel locks and I didn’t have any. Once again, panic sets in. I tried concocting a solution with needle-nose pliers and a crescent wrench, but that wasn’t making any progress.

After a few minutes (it’s now almost 8:30 pm), I began to accept the fact that I needed to call someone for help. My mind started racing through my options. I called my friend Nathan, who lives just a couple miles away, but he didn’t answer. Then I remembered that my coworker Rob had just moved and now lived only a couple blocks away, so I rang him up and he answered. The conversation went something like this: “Hey Rob, it’s Evan. Are you home? I have a weird question. I really badly need the sort of wrench (couldn’t even remember the name in the moment) that can detach the fill lines from the water valves behind the washing machine. Laura’s going into labor and I need to fill up the birth pool.” He said that he had them and that he’d have them ready when I came by. “Yeah, that’s the thing – I can’t really leave her right now. Is there any way you could bring them over?” Fortunately, Rob is amazing and said that he’d bring them over immediately. So I hung up, went back to check on Laura, and admitted that I had to call someone to bring the channel locks. Of course, she was in the zone and probably wasn’t even aware of what I said. Nope!

A few minutes later, Rob arrived and dropped off the channel locks. I thanked him profusely and rushed to work on the water valves. I detached the fill line from the red valve and hooked up the birth pool hose. Success! I told Elizabeth that the hose was connected and then ran back into the room to help Laura again. But just a minute later, Elizabeth came into the back room and told me there was a problem. The water coming out of the hose was cold. “How can that be? I hooked up the hose to the red valve.” Then I took a better look behind the washing machine, pushed the drain line out of the way, and realized that BOTH valves were red. Just my luck. So I detached the hose and switched it over to the other fill valve and turned it on. Mercifully, the water coming from the hose was hot. I informed Elizabeth and once again headed back to assist Laura as Elizabeth filled up the birth pool, mixing hot water from the hose with cold water poured in using buckets from the sink.

When I was finally able to get in the birth pool, every muscle relaxed for the first time since my water broke and I was able to breathe deep and recharge for about 2 minutes before contractions started coming again. It was a good thing I had those couple of minutes of relaxation because my vocalizations during contractions quickly turned into pushing sounds. Susan and Elizabeth were taking my and baby’s vitals while I was in the birth pool, and a point came when they said they were having trouble hearing baby’s heartbeat, so it was time to get out of the pool and go push my baby out.

Evan helped me onto the bed, and I started out pushing on my hands and knees. After a few pushes, with one of the midwives checking baby’s heartbeat after almost every contraction, Susan told me to hold my baby there and push him farther. Then they had me get into a squat, but our bed is so squishy that I just sank into the bed. They had me kneeling on the bed behind her, supporting her in the squat position, and my knees were killing me! Then we moved to the floor in a squat position for a few pushes, with the midwives still checking baby’s heartbeat after almost every contraction/push. For this, they asked me to sit in my computer chair and lay my arms out along my knees, so that Laura could place her underarm over my arms and hang down in the squat position. My forearms quickly went completely numb, but I kept telling myself that this was inconsequential compared to the pain Laura was experiencing. Then they had me lay on my back pulling my knees up to help baby get over my tailbone. Susan gradually got more and more firm with me saying “Even more…push even more…it’s time to push your baby out…even more.” I could sense the seriousness of her tone and was pushing as hard and long as I could only stopping to gasp for more breath before pushing again. Finally, his head came out! There was a loop of cord around his neck, but it had a good pulse. After a few more pushes, his shoulders came out (with the aid of Susan), and then the rest of this body!

The midwives laid him on my chest, and it took just a minute for his cry to grow to the full-bodied cry. Susan had me cough and push, and my placenta came out pretty quickly. However, even after the placenta came out, I kept bleeding. Susan and Elizabeth took turns rubbing my belly doing the ‘fundal massage’ and they gave me a shot of Pitocin, but I still kept bleeding. They cleared clots from my uterus a few times, continued the fundal massage, and gave me another shot of Pitocin (the maximum amount they could give me at home) but I still kept bleeding. So, they decided it was best for me to go into the hospital to find out exactly where the bleeding was coming from. They knew I had some tears, but they wanted to be sure there wasn’t bleeding coming from somewhere else.

After some discussion and a call to Dr. Lewis, an ambulance was called to our house. I had to get up from the floor where I was supporting Laura and start getting ready to go to the hospital. I started throwing on clean clothes, and then ran into the kitchen to grab some more bites of chicken and get some orange juice for Laura. Then Susan came into the kitchen and informed me that because she needed to ride in the ambulance with Laura, that I was going to have to drive myself there and bring Oliver in the car seat. My heart leapt into my throat for a second, as I tried to reconcile the necessity of the situation with the reality that I couldn’t stay with my wife in the ambulance. I calmed myself with the knowledge that we trusted Susan and she wouldn’t have made this decision unless it was absolutely necessary. Then I went back to the baby room to grab some supplies, because now I have to diaper and clothe my one hour old son. Since all I had on was a nursing sleeping bra, Elizabeth draped Evan’s Thunder shirt over me. The EMT’s came in, started an IV, hooked me up to the blood pressure cuff, then wrapped me up in the MegaMover, which was kinda like a cocoon in which they carried me to the stretcher, then wheeled the stretcher over the yard to the ambulance. Susan rode in the ambulance with me to continue pressure/massage on my belly, which meant Evan had to bring Oliver James to me at the hospital.

So while I was picking out a onesie to put on Oliver, I managed to select one of those wrap-around ones with all the snaps.  Supposedly, these are easier to get on babies than the traditional onesie that you pull on over their head. LIES. Elizabeth and I must have snapped and unsnapped that thing on him 3 times, and each time we ended up with leftover snaps that didn’t have a match. Anyway, we got the onesie on him (sort of) and then I grabbed the baby bag and Laura’s wallet and made my way to the garage to put him in her car so I could drive to the hospital.  Unfortunately, once I opened the garage, I saw that Susan’s car was parked behind Laura’s and Susan’s keys were still with her in the ambulance, so there was no way to move it.  This meant that I was going to try to fit his car seat into my little car.

I moved the car seat over to my back seat, but I was having the hardest time getting the latches hooked to the safety bars, because they were buried way down in the seat. Of course, I soon realized that the reason I was having so much trouble was because I still had the carrier attached to the base. Once I removed the carrier, I was able to get it attached. So I pulled the carrier out and placed Ollie inside, when I quickly discovered that even at 1 hour old he was already too big for the default strap setting. I had to lift him back out, hand him to Elizabeth, and adjust the straps. I placed him back in and the straps fit, but his head stabilizer had pulled away and there was no way to get it back in place without lifting him out of the seat again. Once more I adjusted the carrier and then placed him in and fortunately, the third time was the charm. Amazingly, this entire time he was just squeaking and squawking but never crying. I hopped in the car and slowly made my way to the hospital, while quickly phoning both new Grandmas to tell them the good news and the scary news.

When we got to the ER, the EMT’s asked how to get to Labor & Delivery Triage, where Dr. Lewis was meeting us, and I heard a familiar voice say he would show us the way—it was Ryan Schroeder. It was nice to see a familiar face and he lightened the mood a bit as he led us up 2 elevators and through many halls. I asked him to watch for Evan and to help him find me.

On my way, I received a text from Ryan Schroeder telling me that he knew Laura’s room number and that I could ask for him at the hospital. When I arrived at Mercy with Oliver, I started to panic because I’d never been to the ER, so I had no idea which entrance to use. I decided to pull into the Patient’s Entrance thinking that they could direct me to the right place. So I parked the car, carefully lifted Ollie out in his carrier and walked across the lot to the Patient’s entrance, where I was greeted by a locked door. I had chosen poorly. I walked back across the parking lot, muttering to Ollie about his clueless daddy, and put him back in the car. I decided to just call Ryan and ask him where to go. Thankfully, he answered his cell phone and directed me to the ER entrance.

I found a parking spot right up front and soon I was inside at the desk waiting for Ryan to come get me. One of the nurses caught a glimpse of Ollie in his carrier and asked me how old he was. When I told her “about 2 hours” she gave me a look like “What are you doing leaving this hospital with a 2 hour old baby?!?” Desperately wanting to avoid a Pink Alert, I quickly explained that he was born at home and that my wife needed to be taken to the hospital afterwards so we were coming to see her. Ryan came out soon after and escorted me up to Laura’s room.

We got to the room, and Dr. Lewis came in soon after. She cleared clots, as Susan held my hand, and determined the bleeding was coming from 2 tears in the vaginal wall and 1 perineal tear, so she stitched me up. As she was doing so, the nurses asked about Oliver and how big he was, but we didn’t know because Susan and Elizabeth had been working on me since he was born. Evan soon got to the room with Oliver, and I took him as soon as I could, took off his onesie, and held him on my chest, covered by Evan’s Thunder shirt (his first ‘blanket’). He nursed, which was a great distraction from everything else going on. Susan and the nurses even commented on how good he was at breastfeeding already.

When Dr. Lewis finished stitching me up, she said I just had to finish the bag of IV fluids/Pitocin, and then I would be free to go. Then, one of the nurses brought in a scale, a clean hat, and some blankets. Susan and Elizabeth were able to weigh him and do their checks of him there in the hospital room. Oliver weighed in at 8 lbs 14 oz, 21 inches long, and 24.5 cm head! My big boy! After doing Oliver’s measurements, they went back to our house to start cleaning up. We were at the hospital for a little longer, when Evan called the new grandparents to give them the news of Oliver’s name and stats, and that we were both doing good.

We left the hospital around 2:30am, and both Evan and I were starving, but of course, nothing was open…nothing at the hospital…nothing on our way home. Thankfully, we had some leftover grilled sweet potatoes in the fridge that sounded heavenly to me. Evan heated that up for me as I slowly made my way in the house and into bed. Susan checked on Oliver again and gave him a Vitamin K shot for some bruising, then they both headed home around 3:30am. After a few bites of sweet potato and some orange juice, I fed Oliver again and went to sleep. However, Oliver wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, so Evan took him, soothed him, and finally got in bed around 4:30am. The adventure of Oliver’s birth-day was complete, but it’s just the beginning of our adventure as a new little family.

Adventures in Pregnancy, week 40

We made it to 40 weeks! 2 1/2 weeks ago, I wasn't sure if this would be possible. I'm so thankful for all the blessings of the past few weeks. Now, onto the news.

My due date of July 4th came and went with very little action, and we were ok with that. We didn't particularly want our baby boy to be a "firecracker baby," as some have said.

Friday, July 5th

I had a prenatal appointment. My blood work from Monday had come back clear, but the urine test results had been delayed. I found them out at my appointment...I had crossed that line of 300mg of proteinuria to 334mg. After a discussion between Susan and Dr. Lewis, they decided to let me go, hoping baby would come over the weekend, since my blood pressure readings had stabilized. If baby boy doesn't come over the weekend, I have to do another 24-hr urine test; if those results show a continued increase in proteinuria, then there will be talk of hospital induction again. But, baby boy is still moving and heart rate sounds good! I was dilated to a 3, 70% effaced, and -1 station.

Once again I left with a sense of urgency for baby boy to come soon for health reasons, but still so much of it was out of my control.

We discussed with Susan all the ways to naturally induce labor. In case you don't know:

• walking
• nipple stimulation/breast pump
• sex
• stripping membranes
• watch sappy romantic comedies (anything that boosts oxytocin)
• rub Clary Sage essential oil on the belly
• drink Raspberry Leaf Tea
• Cimicifuga Racemosa (homeopathic)
• Caulophyllum Thalictroides (homeopathic)
• acupuncture

So over the weekend, I tried everything, except the acupuncture because offices were closed.

Saturday, July 6th

Evan slept in, then we went out to Katie's Country Griddle for good big breakfast, in case baby boy decided to come that day. I spent the day doing what I could to encourage labor, and made some progress. I had contractions and they got to 5 minutes apart and about 2 minutes long, but they weren't very intense. We called Susan to update her and for reassurance then went for a late night walk, when it was a little cooler. We stayed up until the contractions started to subside, then went to sleep.

Sunday, July 7th

We stayed home so Evan could sleep in (I've been getting up just about every hour and once it hits 7-8am, I'm up), in case labor started, and to avoid all the questions about still being pregnant. I ate a good breakfast of scrambled eggs made by my awesome hubby, then I spent another day doing everything I could to encourage labor, and thankfully we got out of the house to go for a walk around Target. I decided to call Susan to come over and check my progress and strip membranes again. When she came over, my bp was good, I was dilated to a 4, stretchy to a 6, 80-90% effaced, 0 station, and anterior cervical position, so definitely progress. Susan said she was impressed to see progress like this from a first-time mom, especially without being in active labor. After she left, we went on another late night walk and contractions got more intense than the night before. They lasted through the night, though I was able to sleep, and subsided early in the morning.

Monday, July 8th

Today I'm in the midst of yet another 24-hr urine test. I ate another good breakfast of scrambled eggs, made in my new Green Pan. I'm really starting to get tired of eggs!! I spent another day at home doing everything I could to encourage labor, and Susan made an acupuncture appointment for me tonight. It was my first time for acupuncture. Some of the needle inserts hurt a little, and the room was warm, and after about half an hour in the same position, my back and bum were hurting. However, I felt baby boy moving a lot and had a couple contractions (also uncomfortable since I felt like I couldn't move at all during them).

Afterwards, Evan and I picked up some dinner, visited with some friends, then headed back home. Let me tell you how fun it is to lug a cooler with a pee bucket around while out and about...not!! But I did it, and now we're back home, once again waiting to see if tonight is the night we'll get to meet our baby boy.

Still loading...

Monday, July 8

Over the course of the past week, I (or we) have finished all of the little things left on our TO DO BEFORE BABY COMES list:

• Decorated, organized, cleaned the baby room
• Swept/vacuumed all the floors
• Put away random stuff
• Readied the front guest bedroom
• Washed all the dishes (except for the ones we use each day, of course)
• I even finished my Gilmore Girls seasons

I'm running out of things to do to occupy/distract me from the waiting.

Adventures in Pregnancy, week 39

Thank goodness things have slowed way down this week!! My blood pressure readings stabilized over the weekend, which means I don't stress about taking my blood pressure quite as much...which probably results in even better readings! I've even been released to exercise and do more activity than laying on the couch!! Good thing because my left hip and shoulder are getting pretty sore!

I got to have the garage sale I've been stockpiling for since winter-time on Friday and Saturday. I only opened it for the mornings of each day, and the weather was actually very nice. It even drizzled a bit Saturday morning. Everything I had out, I just wanted gone, so a lot of things were just a quarter or just a dollar. I had a few larger items, and even those I priced way low and sold most of it. Anything that didn't sell went to Goodwill Sunday afternoon, except for clothes which will go to the church's Pants & Pancakes ministry. It's good to have the space in the garage finally cleared out...maybe the garage will get organized now. We'll see...

I have been eating as much protein (eggs) as I can stand trying to improve my lab results from last week. My goal is 80-100 grams of protein a day! I think I've met that goal each day, and even exceeded it on Saturday, when I absolutely stuffed myself with protein!

I had a prenatal Sun. June 30th. Everything went well, and she stripped membranes again (4th time...) I'm dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. So, progress is being made! I just finished another 24-hour urine test Tuesday morning. If this test and the blood work are clear/much better, I'll be cleared from appointments with the OB and back to Susan as my primary caregiver (with Dr. Lewis still being backup, of course)!

I had quite a few contractions Monday afternoon/evening. These were stronger than ones I've had previously, but they never came at regular intervals. They lasted most of the evening, then went away when I went to bed. Alas, another day!

It's crazy to think that my due date is this coming Thursday, yet we've been so eager for Baby Boy to come, for health reasons, for 2 weeks now!! In retrospect, I'm seeing how it has been best that he has stayed put:
1. Susan had a cold last weekend, and that would not have been ideal, whether we ended up at the hospital or at home.
2. We made progress with decorating the nursery (pics coming soon).
3. We had a garage sale.
4. Laundry, dishes, and some cleaning done.
5. A lot of episodes of Castle watched. We started the series at the beginning of June, so in a month we've watched seasons 1-3, and half of 4!!
(there's probably more that I've thought of, but can't remember right now)

I just wish Baby Boy would have come before Lindi, Evan's youngest cousin who's working on midwifery certification and who has become a dear friend/family member, and her family left for Guatemala. They left on Monday for a couple of months, but I know they'll be doing great work there!

Adventures in Pregnancy, week 38

The adventure continues...
(I know I include a lot of details, but this is to get it all off my mind and still remember this adventure someday in the future.)

Saturday, June 22nd

After breakfast, Evan and I went on a short walk around the neighborhood. Then, we headed to Lowes...well actually Evan dropped me off to get a pedicure while he got what he needed at Lowes. Then we headed home, ate lunch, and I rested until Susan came over. She checked on Baby Boy, checked on protein level in my urine (all was good), then she stripped my membranes. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it only felt a little more uncomfortable/intense than when Baby Boy was putting pressure on my cervix. Then, Susan checked my bp: 142/78...low number really good, high number a little high.

A few hours later, as Evan was getting dinner ready, I started to feel kind of crampy. I went ahead and ate, but my lower back was starting to ache also. I decided I wanted some froyo...some peach froyo that I had had a few weeks before, so we went to Berri-Licious. But alas, no peach froyo, only raspberry peach. So, I got some peach-raspberry and some tart, topped with fruit and nuts. When we got back home, I decided I wanted to take my bp sitting outside instead of inside. I think I was starting to get a little cabin fever/stir crazy, and being outside with the breeze and sounds of nature (including cars going by) drowned out the sound of the bp machine, and just made me feel a little better.

After that, the crampy feelings seemed more like real contractions. I started to ask Evan about timing them, but I had a hard time really knowing when they ended even though they seemed to start about every ten minutes. I was on the birth/yoga ball, first sitting, then leaning my upper body on it and rocking, all the while enjoying the distraction of Castle and getting a little excited that this may be it! A little later, Evan, being the awesome Bradley birth coach he's learned to be, said we needed to go to bed, whether the contractions were real or not. If they were real, it would be good to have the rest, if they weren't real, they'd stop when I went to sleep. So, I reluctantly went to bed, thinking I don't know if I can sleep...but I did, and the contractions subsided.

Sunday, June 23rd

We went to church then had lunch with mom, who had been helping with Moore/Shawnee tornado relief with Western Heights, before she headed home. My lower back was hurting most of church, so I rested and waited for things to pick back up, but nothing. So, we headed to LifeGroup.

Monday, June 24th

Another 24-urine test. Thankfully, I had a bit of distraction from being stuck on the couch with nothing happening by watching a friend's kids for about an hour. The kids played great and it passed the time. Then Evan came home for lunch to see me. That afternoon I decided I was going to be productive, so I worked on some hot/cold rice packs that I had started last month. I finished cutting the fabric, and used a hand-held sewing machine to sew 3 3/4 of the sides. It took me a while to get the hang of it, but I got 3 little ones done, except for adding the rice and sewing them shut. It was nice to feel like I had done something and not just laid on the couch all day! Added bonus, my feet, especially my right foot, seemed to be much less swollen.

Tuesday, June 25th

I took in my 2 jugs of urine and had blood drawn again...now a weekly occurrence. Then a sweet friend came over for a visit, providing more distraction. After that, I rested up because Evan had said he'd take me to visit Camp Impact! I think being stuck on the couch was more frustrating this week 1) because I felt fine and 2) because Camp Impact was going on, and I had really wanted to be there! In the midst of my rest, I got up off the couch to turn off a light and found a needle with the sole of my foot!! OUCH!! Thankfully, it wasn't in too deep, and it only bled a little when I took it out.

Evan came home around 4:15, and we went to interview a pediatrician. It went pretty well, but I still have a hard time with how fast most doctors/nurses seem to more. I understand they try to fit in as many patients as possible, but when they come in a hurry, I don't feel like I can keep up with them or remember what I wanted to ask, etc. Then, we got some dinner...I was good and got a salad from Cool Greens while Evan indulged his craving for Top That! Pizza. I might have snuck a few bites of his pizza. shh! Next, off to Camp Impact!

When I walked into the Garvey Center, all the Children's Ministers were standing there about to have a meeting. Rusty, my youth minister, saw me first and gave me a hug, and then it was a sweet exclamation of "Laura!" as they all gave me hugs. It was so good to see and hug them all! I went on into Hardeman for the Acapella concert so they could finish their meeting. It was a lot of fun to see 4th-6th graders squealing, clapping, and having fun with Acapella! As their meeting ended, my Children's Ministry friends started trickling in and I got to talk with some of them. Evan let me stay for the concert and for worship afterwards. Camp Impact worship is always one of my favorite things. There's just nothing like seeing and hearing a large room full of kids pour out their hearts and voices in worship!! I love it! When I got home that night and took my bp, it was one of the lowest readings of the past 2 weeks!!

Wednesday, June 26th

I went to Revolution Chiropractic again and then to Barnes and Noble to look for "7" by Jen Hatmaker, a study the girls in Lifegroup are starting. Then I went to lunch with a sweet friend, some of my favorite boys, and their sister. It was nice...felt like old times before my body went haywire. Then it was home to rest before an appointment with Dr. Lewis.

I went in feeling great, chatting with Evan and Susan while we waited for the Dr. Lewis. Then the nurse came in, put the bp cuff on, and hit the button without any warning! I tried to relax and slow my breathing down, but it was a borderline/high reading (143/83). It frustrates me that the nurse doesn't give me any warning before starting the bp machine, especially when that's the reason I'm at the Dr.'s office! My 24 hr urine test results showed an increase of protein in my urine to borderline of mild pre-eclampsia, and my iron was down a little bit from last week, but Dr. Lewis was still very pleased with Tuesday's bp readings and was rooting for me to have the homebirth I want. She did recommend stripping membranes again to get baby here as soon as possible and increasing my bp medicine dosage by a little bit, I think to accommodate for the rise in bp when labor starts...I think. So, Susan stripped my membranes there at the Dr.'s office (we didn't know she could until I said I'd be more comfortable if Susan did and Dr. Lewis said she could).

I left feeling more down than when I went in. Once again, there's the feeling of urgency and trying to figure out what's best for me and Baby Boy and the ever-looming possibility of a hospital stay or induction. One of the verses in my daily devotional today that I read before going to Dr. Lewis:

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

I needed this reminder today. I wish I knew what to do, what's going to happen, and when, but I trust in God, his plan, and his timing.

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

After Wednesday, when we had to be ready to head to the hospital to meet this baby boy, the rest of this week has felt like a waiting game. On Thursday, mom and I went to lunch and to return...and buy...some things at Target and Babies R Us. Then we came home and I rested most of the rest of the day on the couch. Thankfully, I had some sweet visitors come to check on and distract me from being bored on the couch. Later that night, Evan had some friends over to watch the final NBA Finals game. It was an eventful day, and my nightly bp reading was a little higher than I wanted to see, but still much better than it had been on Monday. Then Friday, I went to Revolution Chiropractic, took a 15 min walk, and spent the majority of the rest of the day on the couch.

I'm very thankful to still be carrying this baby boy at 38 weeks!! I'm glad to feel him moving and know that he is ok. I finally got to the point of being mentally and emotionally ready for this baby  to be here and for labor (I kinda had to), and now I'm waiting...doing what I can to jumpstart things, but still just waiting. I've had a few contractions, but nothing regular. Dr. Lewis is hoping I go into labor soon, and even Susan recommended encouraging things along since the only resolution for gestational hypertension is to have the baby. So, I feel a sense of urgency, but it's still very much out of my control.

38 weeks

And so, I lay on my left side on the couch, I go for short walks, then back to the couch, I try acupressure, and later today Susan will try sweeping my membranes, all the while trying to keep the balance of acceptable blood pressure but still encourage labor to start.